Motherhood Series, part 2! Lets chat with this inspiring mama, Ashah!

Hello beautiful mama!

Here at Bumpnbub, being a midwife and perinatal mental health specialist I am so passionate about talking with inspiring women to hear more about their personal and motherhood story. From conception, to pregnancy, to motherhood…

I am so excited to chat with you! Let’s dive in!

Can you please tell us a little bit about you?

To my children I am mama, to my husband I am his darling, to the world I am Ashah, and to myself I am everything. I am a lover of nature, free/critical-thinking and deep and purposeful conversation; I find passion in empowering and educating others through my life experiences. Through my 28 years of life, I have found that there is nothing greater than reciprocation of beautiful, positive energy. 

Did you always know motherhood was for you?

Yes and no. Growing up I had always been maternal, I loved being around and looking after other people’s babies, I knew I always wanted children and it ended up happening a lot sooner in life than I had anticipated. When I birthed my first child at 16, I had to mature quickly and adapt to my new circumstances. Because of my early entrance into parenthood, I had a 10 year gap between my first and second child so I constantly second guessed myself and didn’t know if motherhood was going to be “for me” again. I knew that regardless I would be a great mother, what I was unsure of was my ability to be ‘enough’  what if I’m not as great this time as I was the first? Which I am certain is a feeling that many mothers experience. Now we have our third, We are absolutely content; we are comfortable where we are as parents and with our marriage, So I can say without any shadow of a doubt that becoming a mother again is definitely not for me. 

What are your little ones names and what do they mean / why did you choose them?

Le’Maya (La-My-Ah) is our eldest daughter (11), her name means Song Bird. I am uncertain of its origin as it has been almost 12 years since I discovered the name. I wasn’t very philosophical as a teen so this name was purely chosen because it sounded beautiful. 

Nalani Uenuku (2) (Na-La-knee //Oo-Air-Noo-koo), The Heavens Rainbow. Nalani of Hawaiian origin and Uenuku of Maori origin. (Uenuku is a cousin of mine so it is a great honour to have been able to name our daughter after her) 

It took three years, surgeries, miscarriages,  IVF  and losing nalani’s twin to end up with her, therefore finding a name that adequately represented our journey was a necessity. She is our rainbow baby, there is no other name more perfect for her. 

Ailuka ( 9 weeks) (Eye-Loo-Ka), of indigenous Australian origin (originally spelt Iluka) - Near The Ocean. 

Cameron (husband) and I have always been drawn to the ocean. During my pregnancy with Ailuka, whenever I felt I needed grounding, balance or rejuvenation,  I would always find myself amongst the waves. 

In the morning of the day I received Ailuka earthside, I had already been in the latent phase of labour for 24 hours, as you could imagine I felt exhausted and defeated. I had acupuncture and went for a walk to a lookout overlooking the ocean. I feel that the calmness it gave me allowed me to relax and refocus. Near the ocean is where I feel at peace, it is where I feel the most like my true self. 

What do you believe to be the most beautiful thing about being a parent? 

As parents we are meant to be the teachers, but I honestly feel like the student because my children teach me life lessons everyday.  They teach me patience, kindness, vulnerability, honesty, humility. They teach me to find humour in situations that would otherwise make me want to pull my hair out. Overall, the most beautiful thing about having children is receiving love without expectation. That’s it, There’s no catch! they love you just because, wholeheartedly and unconditionally. People always say ‘there’s no other love like that of a parent and child’, those people didn’t lie. 

What is the hardest lesson motherhood has taught you? 

No matter how you choose to raise your children, someone will always have an opinion and you may be faced with judgement at some stage. I have grown into a person who couldn’t care less of the perceptions of others. As long as your children are healthy, happy and loved that’s all that really matters. There is no “One right way” to parent, what worked really well for others may not work for you at all. 

What would you tell your ‘brand-new-mama-self’ if you could go back in time?

When women become mothers I often see them become engrossed in trying to be the person they were before; trying to keep up with their childless/single friends and they experience issues with their body image, leading to feelings of inadequacy.  Stop trying to be the person you were, she doesn’t exist anymore. You have evolved into a greater version of yourself, become well acquainted and learn how to nourish and fall in love with her; it most likely won’t be “love at first sight”, This new love is something that grows and develops over time. 

One last thing I would like to add is, do not compare yourself as a parent to those on social media. You’re only likely to see a persons highlight reel, the best (sometimes staged) moments of their days. Please don’t allow social media to make you feel inadequate.